The Measure of a MACO
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major_hayes' LiveJournal:
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| Monday, May 24th, 2004 | | 6:23 pm |
It is my sad duty to inform you that at approximately 2200 hours February 13, 2154, Major J. M. Hayes of the MACO unit stationed on "Enterprise" Good evening. Or morning, depending, I guess. I found this when I was going through the major's things. God knows I didn't want to do that, but I didn't want Chang or Kemper or, worse yet, one of the Fleeters doing it either, so here I am. The major never told me he kept a journal, let alone some kind of therapy journal he shared with others, but then that was the major all over. I don't think he even told any of the Fleeters his first name, except maybe Reed. Anyway, I thought you (whoever you are) should know that the major died last week. He went out with his boots on, as they say, but honestly that didn't make me feel any better about losing him. We all knew it was probably going to happen sooner or later, the major more than anyone, but to lose him on a stupid little mission like that, just a couple of days after we lost Hawkins...well, let's just say we haven't had a lot to celebrate lately. If you were "talking" to him, you probably know the major was a great guy. Hawkins was, too, I guess, but I didn't know him as well as I knew the major. We go way back, me and Major Hayes. All the way back to a Venezuela POW camp where we kept each other sane (more or less) for five months. I didn't meet up with him again until years later, when we were starting this mission, but I sure was glad to see him. He'd changed a bit, hooked up with that nutty doc who got us out of the camp and picked up a kid somewhere along the way, but he was still the major. I trusted him completely. We all did. He knew why we were out here, and whenever it looked like one of us was questioning it, he was right there, explaining it for us. We're MACOs. We need to save the Earth. I guess now, we can add a third part to that mantra: We need to honor the major, and Hawkins, and anyone else we lose along the way. If the mission fails now, they'll have died in vain, and that's something I can't stand for. The major sure wouldn't have. Hey, this is actually not a bad idea, sharing thoughts with people who aren't going to talk to you about them. Maybe the major was onto something after all. Current Mood:  crushed | | Wednesday, April 28th, 2004 | | 1:32 pm |
Where I Would Live and Democracy vs. Monarchy
Recent events have prevented me from making these entries, but I have been able to take a few minutes away from the repairwork to think about these questions. I can live just about anywhere. I liked North Carolina. The weather was good, even if it was incessantly muggy. I liked the rainforests of South America, too, although I probably would have appreciated them more if I hadn't been fighting a war at the time. If the choice were entirely mine, though, I would like to go back to the high Arctic. The beauty of the landscape, the stillness and the silence of it, is incomparable, and it's one of the few places in the world where you can still be completely alone. Which, believe me,is something I've missed lately. As for democracy versus monarchy, neither option is ideal. From what I understand, a monarchy was a historical form of government in which the leader was chosen by genetics and the ability to survive multiple assassination attempts from the other people with similar genes, while a democracy was where everyone of a certain age was allowed to vote for a leader. Neither of these systems work in practice. Family history isn't a good indicator of leadership ability, and neither is personal popularity. In the case of a monarchy, any idiot with a particularly thick skull and an iron stomach could gain power, while in a democratic society, votes could be too easily swayed by outside factors. The only system of government that works is the one we have in the army. You get to the top through ability, hard work and a knowledge of the people you're working with. If you don't perform, or if you can't get along with others, you don't get anywhere, it's as simple as that. It's not a perfect system, either, of course, but it does a much better job of putting the right people in the right positions than either of those two options. And I'm sure even Reed would agree with me on that point. Current Mood:  stressed | | Thursday, April 15th, 2004 | | 7:07 pm |
The strangest gift I ever received
When I was twelve, my maternal grandfather sent me a guitar for Christmas. A real antique guitar, not a virtual one or a program. My father was on a tour of duty in the Middle East at the time, otherwise we probably would have gone down to Edmonton and exchanged it for a computer game or a toy gun or something. My mother wouldn't take me, though, so I had to keep the guitar. A few weeks after I got it, I picked it up for the first time. I wasn't a prodigy or anything. I was, in fact, so bad I was banned from bringing it to cadet campouts, but it was something to do, something that interested me beyond weapons and training. It's been a while since I played the guitar. Maybe I should ask Tucker to see what he can do with some spare parts. Then I could play "Kumbayah" and "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" and people would stop pestering me to go to the mess hall more often. Current Mood:  nostalgic | | 6:59 pm |
How do I handle conflict?
The only way it can be handled, directly and as quickly as possible. Some people might have problems with that, but in the long run, it's always better to deal with things promptly and honestly, no matter how minor they might seem. Ignoring them is one sure way to make a little conflict grow into a full-scale war. I know that first-hand. Current Mood: working | | Friday, March 26th, 2004 | | 2:28 pm |
Most Important Decision/What I Would Change
I've made a lot of decisions in my life and my career. I can't necessarily say any one was more important than the others, because in every case, taking a different course of action would have changed my life completely, and that of the people around me. One of the major decisions I made was to board Enterprise and assist with the mission against the Xindi, although I don't know if it was exactly a decision. When I was offered the position, I was given the chance to decline, but I don't know anyone who would have accepted it. It was hard to leave Earth, but it would have been harder to stay behind. Which is why I wouldn't change anything in my life. It would have been nice if the Xindi attack hadn't happened, but tragedies like that happen all the time, all over the world. It would be selfish to take back that particular incident just because it happened close to home and I was personally affected by it. I wouldn't change my personal position, either. As much as I miss my family, I know I'm in the place I need to be, even if we're not here for very much longer. Current Mood:  content | | Monday, March 15th, 2004 | | 9:37 pm |
Various Time Wasters
Don't worry, Mackenzie, I'm not suicidal. Although I'm glad Phlox is keeping me apprised of my condition. That sounds like an interesting way to spend an evening. Who's Daniel Jackson? | | 11:03 am |
What three things would you bring if you were left on a deserted island?
My first reply to this question was, "I'd bring only one thing, a way of getting off the island," but I get the feeling Tucker and Reed would consider that a little disingenous. So here's a real answer. You only need three things to survive anywhere in the world: food, water, and shelter. So I'd bring that. To make it a little more interesting, though, I'd bring a selection of food, including everything except ready-made military meals, a never-ending supply of bottled water, and a deluxe tent with mosquito netting and a sleeping bag. And, since I'm living in the lap of desert island luxury anyway, I'd try and sneak a latrine shovel along, too, and a toilet seat. They make things much more pleasant. Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: The echoes of Reed's bitching floating in my mind. | | Monday, March 8th, 2004 | | 7:48 am |
Which of your senses would be the most difficult to lose?
Difficult question, although I know from personal experience that no matter how difficult it might seem at the outset, people can get used to anything. Staying alive is the most important thing. As long as you're alive, you can adjust to any loss. It might be painful and take a long time, but it will eventually be done. Being dead, on the other hand, makes it rather difficult to make any adaptations at all. Current Mood: contemplative | | Sunday, February 29th, 2004 | | 11:11 am |
What's your favourite daydream?
Daydreaming is a waste of time. I don't have daydreams, but I do have goals. And my main goal at the moment is to ensure that no other human beings ever go through what we did, at least not at the hands of the Xindi. I'm not naive enough to think they're the only evil force out there, but I am confident enough to say that once we find this super weapon of theirs, they won't be bothering us any more. Current Mood: determinedCurrent Music: New Judas Priest, Better Than the Real Thing | | Wednesday, February 25th, 2004 | | 7:38 am |
Yes, very amusing, Mackenzie. I suppose I can thank the other thirty-eight percent for my collection of ceramic kittens and my knitting books. Don't you have something better to do? Would you like me to find you something? I don't think the latrines have been given a good scrub-out since this ship left Earth for the first time. Current Mood: cold | | Monday, February 23rd, 2004 | | 5:41 pm |
What do you want on your tombstone?
Nothing, because I'm hoping I won't need one. If I do my job properly, then the Earth will be saved, and that's all that matters. If I do my other job properly, then my daughter will remember me, and there won't be any need for artificial memorials. At least, that's what I hope. Current Mood: hopefulCurrent Music: An annoying banging noise. | | Tuesday, February 17th, 2004 | | 7:20 pm |
What makes you laugh?
Contrary to what I'm sure is popular belief, a lot of things make me laugh. My six-year-old daughter. The off-colour animations Mac passes around during our downtime. Old Jim Carrey movies. The idea that Lieutenant Reed would be placed in charge of our safety. Yes, life's very humorous. You just need to know where to look. Current Mood: annoyedCurrent Music: Thrash and Maim, the Red Album | | Sunday, February 8th, 2004 | | 11:02 am |
Dinner with anyone in history
If I could meet (for dinner or not) anyone in history, it would be Lieutenant-General Romeo Dallaire. He may not be as high-profile as some other military men I could name, but I think his contribution to military society was more significant than, say, Julius Caesar's or George Washington's. Lieutenant-General Dallaire was an esteemed Canadian military leader at the turn of the 21st century, and he oversaw the Canadian army's involvement in Rwanda in the 1990s. Then he came home and put a respected, respectable face to post-traumatic stress disorder, the first many people had ever seen. It's thanks to him that "shell shock" or just "insanity" was given it's proper name, and it's because of him that post-traumatic stress disorder is less of a stigma nowadays than it was before he came forward with his experiences (although, as I can personally attest, the stigma hasn't completely disappeared, even a century and a half later.) I would like to meet Lieutenant General Dallaire, because he has to be one of the bravest soldiers in history. And maybe he could offer me some insight into why my father was the way he was. From the woman behind the MACO: I recently heard Lieutenant-General Dallaire speak at a conference, and he is a real, amazing man. Current Mood: thoughtfulCurrent Music: Still no music system. Tucker isn't hurrying to fix it. | | Friday, January 30th, 2004 | | 6:53 pm |
Guilty indulgences?
When Miguel and I were in the same unit, it was on-duty sex, a quickie in a supply closet and even on one memorable occasion behind a privacy screen in sickbay while the nurses did inventory a few metres away. Now that's no longer an option, it's a glass of bourbon, neat. I limit myself to no more than one or two a week, because I need my wits about me and because I don't have that much bourbon, and I want to make it last. I have the feeling I'm going to need it on more than a few occasions before the end of this mission. Make of that what you will, Commander "I don't see you unwinding enough to sit down at dinner, Major" Tucker. Current Mood: defiantCurrent Music: None (my music system was damaged. Reward for information.) | | Sunday, January 25th, 2004 | | 11:38 am |
How did you lose your virginity?
This barrack-room stuff is more Mackenzie's style than mine. I'll just say that when you spend your adolescence on an army base in the far north of the Northwest Territories, with dozens of eighteen-year-old soldiers, twenty-three hour darkness in the winter, and a father who's too busy commanding the troops to pay much attention to what you're up to, you can have a lot of fun. Current Mood: nostalgicCurrent Music: Killing Kittens: The Double Live Album | | Sunday, January 18th, 2004 | | 3:59 pm |
Self-preservation or forgiveness?
Self-preservation--sometimes at the expense of others---is of course the basis of every conflict in the history of time. It's something every living organism feels, the foundation of life as well as of war. I wouldn't classify it as a personal trait. It's something that's innate in everyone, to varying degrees, a basic instinct. When you've spent twenty-one months in a South American POW camp, though, I can tell you it's an instinct that's very highly developed. But, while they may last far too long, wars never last forever, and afterwards, there are relationships that need to be rebuilt based on forgiveness. Notice I said "forgive" and not "forget", which are two very different things. I will never forget what the Venezuelan guerrillas did to my platoon and I in 2142, but I forgave them enough to be able to go back there, along with two thousand other Allied veterans and relatives of veterans, and offer disaster relief to the millions who had been left homeless by the Xindi. I even went back to the very spot where Sergeant Corcoran and I were taken prisoner. It used to be dense jungle: now it's a hole in the ground, and I was just as outraged as the Venezuelans to see it. If self-preservation is a basic human trait, then forgiveness is as well. The Xindi attack brought humans together like nothing has before. And hopefully, when this war is in the books, we'll be able to retain that sense of common purpose. But I'm not holding my breath. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: Mac put her hands over her ears when she came in. It's good. | | Friday, January 9th, 2004 | | 7:12 pm |
Do you believe in love at first sight?
The only people who believe in love at first sight are the ones who confuse love with lust, and those are also the people who tend to confuse meaningful sex with a stress-relieving romp in the hay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as you see it for what it is. There have been times when a quickie in a foxhole or behind a tree has saved my sanity, if not my life (like the time in Kurdistan when Miguel and I ducked into a lean-to and ended up rolling away from the wall a second before a shell brought it down...but that's another story.) Love is something else entirely, though. It's more than physical attraction, it's more than friendship, it's more than common interests. And, no matter what some people would have you believe, it doesn't last forever. Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: That Is a Twelve Inch Knife (And I'm Not Happy to See You.) | | Sunday, January 4th, 2004 | | 2:08 pm |
Is there ever a good reason to get blindingly drunk?
If you spend enough time with Lieutenant Reed, you will find the answer to this question remarkably quickly. That doesn't, however, mean that it's a good idea to act on it. One of the things I noticed when I first came on board "Enterprise" is their laxity with alcohol. They don't even appear to have a daily alcohol ration. Of course, I'm restricting the MACOs to no more than one standard-size drink per day, the same wartime regulations they would follow on Earth, but Captain Archer has so far been resistent to implementing the same kind of restriction within his crew. In fact, it appears that he and Commander Tucker are two of the greatest offenders in this regard. Mackenzie even told me that, apparently, they were drunk and out of uniform when they were first contacted regarding the Delphic Expanse, which doesn't surprise me at all. Personally? I don't know if I've ever had a good reason to get blindingly drunk, but I've done it, more times than I'd care to admit. Current Mood: annoyedCurrent Music: Rock You Like a Tsunami, The Blood Brothers | | Saturday, December 27th, 2003 | | 10:35 am |
New Year's Resolution
Obviously, my main New Year's resolution is to resist the temptation to be mysteriously involved in any "friendly fire" incidents involving Starfleet staff, principally Lieutenant Reed. On a broader scale, though, I would like to help myself and my crew fit in better on board ship. I wouldn't say this if I thought there was a chance of Lieutenant Reed seeing it but of course he only reads his own pontifications and those of "Captain" Archer but an army is only as strong as its weakest alliance, and when we don't even have alliances within our own ship, we don't have much chance against the Xindi. Of course, the Starfleet crew aren't exactly making us feel welcome, but we're MACOs, the best Earth has to offer. We should be able to put aside personality conflicts and petty differences for the good of humankind. I also need to send more messages home. Apparently Miguel let Heather have a puppy, and if I don't remind her of my presence, she's likely to forget me entirely. Not that Miguel would mind. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: 75 Years of Metallica: The Greatest Hits | | Saturday, December 20th, 2003 | | 12:06 pm |
Predestination and the Like
As a former CO of mine used to say, everyone has the same standing orders: to make a difference before they're "dismissed." Like all orders, they have to be obeyed, but how we go about doing so is open to a little interpretation. Personally, I never imagined myself defending Earth from alien attackers. I never imagined myself as a US Marine, either, or as a father, but all of that happened, and while it hasn't been easy, so far, I don't regret any of it. So I guess I could say that while the Ultimate CO might accept a little creativity when it comes to fulfilling his (or her, who knows?) orders, s/he's always ready to step in and make sure we're on the right track. When it comes to my officers, I hope I can say the same of myself. Current Mood: pensiveCurrent Music: Kill, Crush and Maim, "The Louder the Better" |
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